Locked in with Deadpool
by Anicomicgeek
Summary: Taking an amusing scene in the Carnage level to its logical conclusion: Deadpool being Deadpool and driving Electro insane.  Rated M for Language.


Disclaimer: _Spider-Man_ and all related characters are the property of Marvel Comics.

Locked in with Deadpool

By Anicomicgeek

Rated M for Adult Language, mostly for two scenes

Warning: Does contains spoilers to _Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions_

"Why?!" Electro yelled from inside his cell at the Triskelion, pacing and taking swings are the energy filed that held him inside his cell while S.H.I.E.L.D. agents clean up from Carnage's rampage. "Why am I here?" It was literally the thousandth time he'd cursed Spider-Man, God's name, and S.H.I.E.L.D. in one fell swoop since his recent defeat at the hands of Spider-Man. "What have I done to deserve this?"

"You tired to become a god with a mystic rock boosting your power and terrorize the people working at the power plant where you tied to steal power, to boot," a voice replied. "That and you made very suggestive remarks while charging from a generator and generally went around naked as a jaybird."

Electro glared at the person who'd just spoke—and source of all of his current misery.

His current cellmate—the one and only Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool.

"I didn't ask you, you bastard!" Electro cursed.

"Are you pissed that James Arnold Taylor didn't voice you in the role for _Shattered Dimensions_?" Deadpool asked. Deadpool then looked at the reader and said, "Hi, fans, it's me! I'm so glad they fixed me in the game. Sadly, because this is a fanfic, I lack my little yellow speech bubbles and captions. I already miss them, though I also lacked them in the various games and _Hulk VS_."

Electro cocked an eyebrow. "Who are you talking to?" he asked, confused.

"The people reading this story," Deadpool said and waved to the readers.

"Okay …," Electro said disdainfully. Muttering, he added, "Great, they looked me in with a loon."

"And what's wrong with that?" Deadpool asked joyfully. "The fans love it when I'm a loon!"

Electro groaned.

"Getting back to your voice," Deadpool said, "at least you got Thomas F. Wilson as your voice in the game."

Electro stared at Deadpool, having no idea what Deadpool was talking about.

"You know, Biff Tannen? Matt Bluestone? Stan Carter? Any of this ringing any bells? Or did you want Crispin Freeman to voice you in homage to _The Spectacular Spider-Man_? You wanna be Alucard and Alan Gabriel? You wanna be Jeremiah Gottwald and have fans call you 'Orange?' "

Electro shook his head. "How come those creature didn't attack us? Of course, though, I'd fry them."

"Probably. The black suit in this reality is vulnerable to electricity and Carnage is somewhat tied to it." Deadpool then laughed. "Of course, you should know this, seeing as in the _Ultimate Spider-Man_ game, Trask hired you to help test out the suit."

Electro sighed.

"Besides, we'll never die," Deadpool beamed. "Joker Immunity."

Electro stared at Deadpool. "Excuse me?"

"Joker Immunity. Because we're beloved villains, we'll never die or at least stay dead if we do die. _TV Tropes_—it enhances people's lives. Look it up next time you're near a computer."

Electro sighed. "I miss Osborn."

"Well, seeing as Spidey in the game mentioned looking for Nick Fury and not Carol Danvers, it means that it's either set before _Ultimate Power_ or is in a reality where _Ultimate Power_ never happened, which given Loeb's current crappiness and butchering of the Ultimate Universe, would be a blessing."

Electro was still puzzled. "What's that got to do with anything?!"

"Meaning, as Osborn's death was after Danvers took over, he could still be alive here and now." Deadpool shrugged. "Either that or it takes place after the recent _Ultimate Comics: Avengers_ stuff and Fury did succeed in getting his job back from Danvers, but that's really up to the author of this fic."

Electro yelled and proceeded to bang his head against the energy field keeping them in.

Deadpool thought for a moment. "Speaking of settings, since I did mention Spider-Woman from 'the Clone Saga,' I wonder if Doc Ock is in a plastic cell, too, since Bendis opted to make him Magneto-lite." Deadpool laughed. "Come to think of it, I wonder if S.H.I.E.L.D. caught on that buckethead isn't even in his cell anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

"Magneto escaped and Mystique took his place, then Mastermind took over for her with Stacy-X in tow! I wonder if Stacy in this universe was a hooker like her original counterpart. Yeah. I could go for some fun, though my looks and my debuts in the Ultimate universe could put her off."

"Shut up!" Electro yelled. "I've had enough of your rambling and nonsense! Do you have any idea how annoying it is?!"

"So?" Deadpool asked smugly. "The fans love it! I'm not me without it. Bendis didn't get that, so shame on him. Shame on you, Bendis!" A thought then occurred to Deadpool. "Hey, wanna throw the ball around again?" Looking around, he added, "Now where is it?"

Electro sobbed. "Why me? Why, God, why?!"

As appearance-wise, he was still based on his Ultimate self, Deadpool couldn't smile as he lacked a face—but he would've if he could. " 'Cause the author of this fic decided to explore the logical conclusion of us being cellmates as established in an Easter egg during the Carnage level?"

Electro groaned.

"You wear no pants," Deadpool sang. "You wear no pants!"

"I hate those commercials!" Electro yelled.

"Well, then, Doctor Manhattan, put pants on," Deadpool retorted. "Though _TV Tropes_ is right: You do look like Doc Manhattan crossed with a Ken doll. Shame you don't have magical underwear like in the _Ultimate Spider-Man_ game!"

"I leave for a week and I get back to find this!" a voice yelled.

Deadpool started to hum the theme from _Shaft_, much to the continued annoyance of Electro. Then it got worse, as Deadpool sang, "Who is the man who runs S.H.I.E.L.D.? Fury! Damn straight! Who is the man who bullies the heroes? Fury! He one bad mother—Shut your mouth."

"Please do so!" Electro whined as he covered his ears.

Deadpool continued as if Electro hadn't interjected. "But I'm talking about Nick Fury. Then we can dig it!"

"Why are these two in the same cell?" General Nick Fury asked.

"Space mostly," an agent replied. "Some of the other cells were already full, though with the damage recently done by Carnage, it may have to stay that way."

"No!" Electro yelled. "Have mercy! You can't leave me here! YOU CAN'T!"

Deadpool scoffed. "He's motherfucking Nick Fury, the motherfucking head of motherfucking S.H.I.E.L.D., motherfucker."

Fury glared.

Deadpool laughed and looked at Fury. "Hey, you are modeled on and played by Samuel L. Jackson. It's required that you say 'motherfucker' or some version of that word every other word. You know you wanna call everyone 'motherfucker.' As a Sam Jackson character, it's only natural." He looked at Electro. "Isn't that right, motherfucker?"

"This is cruel and unusual punishment!" Electro yelled. "You can't keep me here!"

"And Ultimate Fury locked people up without trials, like you, you bald motherfucker," Deadpool pointed out.

"Shut up!" Electro yelled.

"Put Wilson in a cell deep underground."

"Will I be cellmates with Buckethead, assuming this does take place in the past or a version of the universe that Loeb never touched?"

Fury put his hand to his face and shook his head.

"Fury just faceplammed!" Deadpool yelled. "Excellent! Bring on the Ultimates!"

"Get him to another cell!" Fury yelled. "Now!"

"Say 'motherfucker'," Deadpool stated.

Fury yelled, "NOW!"

"I get the feeling you don't like me," Deadpool said in mock sadness. "But I'm Superman! And Superboy! And Nathan Drake and Desmond Miles and Zatara and Green Lantern and Cyclops and Jimmy Woo and Pyro and Living Laser and Ghost Rider and Hawkeye and Giant-Man and— " He stopped himself, then said, "Wait, you actually don't like Pym. Never mind."

"And put a suppressor collar on Dillon!" Fury ordered as he stormed off.

"And pants!" Deadpool yelled. "I don't think anyone wants to be cellmates with Doctor Manhattan!"

"At least I don't have to put up with this too much longer," Electro said, relieved.

"Wait a minute!" Deadpool said.

Electro groaned.

"The classic Mojo once said that he, Longshot, and the other inhabitants of his own universe. Does that mean that cartoon versions are the same incarnations as them or was Mojo just engaging in hyperbole? Then how does that explain Ultimate Mojo and Longshot?"

Electro groaned.

Deadpool reached under the bed and pulled something out. Joyfully, he said, "I found it!" He then revealed what he was holding—the ball he was tossing around the cell during Carnage's rampage.

Electro looked up and sobbed, "Take me, God; I'm ready to meet you!"

*****D*****

A short while later, Fury was in his office, surveying the damage from Carnage's rampage. He had to admit that Spider-Man did as well as he could, which means as far as Fury was concerned, he made the right call to have Spider-Man drafted into the Ultimates, though he did wish the Ultimates had been there to suppress the rampage and prevent causalities. But he also had to admit that it could've been worse—a lot worse.

Fury heard a knocked on the door and said, "Come in."

Sharon Carter walked in. "Sir, we have bad news."

"Go on," Fury said.

"Deadpool escaped," Carter stated, sighing as she did so.

Suddenly, a throbbing vein appeared on Fury's head. "What?" he asked, barely containing his anger.

"Deadpool … escaped," Carter replied.

Fury growled, then yelled, "I've had it with these motherfucking super villains in this motherfucking Triskelion!" Then he blinked. "Damn it all to hell! He did it! Shit!"

"Sir?" Carter asked.

"I humored that motherfucker!" Fury yelled. Then he groaned and yelled, "Damn it, I did it again!"

*****D*****

On the island in the middle of nowhere, Deadpool was still cooking his fish, then laughed. "I think I did it!" he said. "I think I got Fury to drop a Cluster-F-Bomb!" He then laughed. "Yeah, yeah, yeah." He then said. "All is good—except for being stuck on this island, but I'll get off of here and return. After all, the fans like me and I'm a villain, so it's bound to happen."

Deadpool then looked at the reader. "Thanks for reading, folks! Good night!"

**The End!**


End file.
